.im broken.

lygros_rujati

i hate it.

why does my dad have to make a big deal out of things?i might i well lock myself up in my room and never leave.

he judges without giving it a chance. take kaimitoville for example. he says it looks like a place where trouble usually is.

ok..so maybe there are a few fights that start here..but it doesn't mean that i'll get kidnapped or something!

he was going to go my adviser and talk about it! that's...embarassing...(at least for me..) and besides..the dance we were making was for an audition for dance troupe...it isn't for a school program so we don't really have to practice in school..or let them know about it..yung iba nga 1 am na daw nakakauwi dahil lang sa audition na yan..at my choreographer pa sila..but when it comes to me...it was always HIS choice to pick me up that late! and i didn't want to be a burden to his schedule so it's always fine by me whatever time he picks me up..

he says he doesn't need it and i don't need it...but dancing is important to me! along with singing in out choir which i stopped doing because of him..i'm singing for the church and he thinks something bad might happen or something!

he cares too much..that's why our so-called family is full of lies.

well..what can i do?i'm just his daughter.

i can't wait to go to college.

shit!yung wallet ko nawawala! sana naman mabalik sakin...kahit wala nang laman na pera...kahit yung pics and letters na lang yung natira...

and by the way...i hate this stupid "exploding" cough...i can't sing!!

lygros_rujati

i wrote a song the other night...it's sad...but it reflects some truth to our society today..

Goes around, blinding bright lights in her eyes. Falls on the ground, can barely stand. Expectantly waits for a hand to hold out to her. She waits in vain...she waits in vain.

CHORUS: Silhouettes passed by..Never noticed that a girl there lies. She finalyy realized, no one's gonna be there for her..In this big bad world, she's broken, loely, alone...

Fairy tales all have a happy ending. You have to know, it's just a tale. And  you have to know the story of what we call life, Doesn't always go that way, doesn't always go that way..

Sad isn't it?sometimes we need to stop and look for a while to notice that someone needs us...and that we need them.

lygros_rujati

i dreamt of a dark world... a world where no light shines through... where darkness and evil reigns... it was a world where i don't belong... where every single dark shadow is out to get me... to kill me... they all want me dead... i already faced their leader... i don't know who he is... but i lay at his feet...broken... he was merciless... he wanted to hurt me... to torture me... until i begged... and yet... i don't know how... but i escaped...

i was running...pulling the hands of two beings... i kept pulling...and running...taking them with me... i couldn't see their faces... i know that i knew them... but i didn't know who they were... all i knew was that i had to save them... i had to save them from the same fate that is my life. were they my sisters? i didn't know... but nevertheless, we ran and ran until we reached this cliff (or was it a mountain?). we started to climb... the rocks, scraping my hands, knees, and feet... i knew i was sore...and bleeding...and yet i felt so numb... i was breathless...and afraid...that's all i felt...

the two beings were urging me to continue climbing... i didn't know how they got up there so fast... but i paid no attention and just continued to climb...

suddenly,the shadows that were after us appeared below... i searched frantically for a place to conceal myself... the shadows were starting to increase in number... i could feel their need to kill me...us... and yet, the two beings above remained... they didn't leave me...they didn't even seem afraid...

they held out their hand for me to take and i eventually collapsed into the rocky plain of that cliff...(mountain?) i lay panting for a while, trying to catch my breath... then i tried to see if the shadows below were still pursuing me... but they just stood there, staring in my direction...unmoving. i couldn't see their faces... yet i know that their gazes... were burning right into my soul.

then i started to turn around...to run again... but the great dark shadow, their leader, was looming above me... my eyes were transfixed on him in fear...and terror... i couldcn't move...i couldn't do anything... i suddenly seemed alone... but i knew the two beings were still there somewhere... hiding?

i don't know if i died or if i escaped yet again...

if he imprisoned me or tortured me...

that was the end of it...

i woke up tired and sore...

lygros_rujati

to be who i was

or to be who i'm supposed

to be the pounding never stops.

been running...escaping

what is to become

time to stand up to myself

lygros_rujati

a sad love song

behind the precious smile

the mirror waters

as the leaved fall by

the chaos inside

breaking the unbreakable silence

the constant confusion

between light and darkness

cloud above promising a new tomorrow

a new life...a new strength...

but in the end,

only sorrow.